Nothing Has Changed, but Everything Is Different.

We made it to the top of the mountain by taking different paths.
Crossing at times, mostly far from sight but never out of mind.
I've stumbled along the way, fallen down and veered off course.
Ran backwards, crawled, got lost and reached out for help.
I've looked around for you as fear choked my voice from carrying over the terrain.
Even if you heard my cries, how could you have found me from 2,162 miles away?

Wasted time in-between growing up and finding our own lives.
The details were blurry and fading as feelings were pushed aside but never erased.
Ironic how we got here, where ever "here" has found us.
But here we are with less distractions and lessons learned.
Still no map to comfort the journey and only a few necessities on hand.

We climbed the mountain on a faded and narrow path.
Slipped a few times and moved out of the way to catch my breath.
Together at the top with no way of knowing what the descend will bring.
But the view from up here is beautiful with possibilities.

(1/23/12 and 2/7/12)

So there was this break up...

Back to a Me, Without a You.

I should have hit you harder.
I should have hit you sooner.
I should have never let you in.

You forced your way through.

Thank you for having the strength to let me go.
My heart would have been stuck on you,
wasting away never to be loved the same.

You had the whole world convinced.

I wish it was my choice, it would have been easier on me.
But now I know it was what I needed,
I was just too afraid to accept the loss.

So thank you for breaking my heart.

I kept blinders on and believed all of your lies,
Made it easy for you
to take advantage of my open heart.

I always try too hard.

You had me fooled before it ever began.
Holding yourself high with pride and values
just a cloak over your selfish juvenile dark soul.

You don't know how to love.

The whole world is not actually a stage.
Someday your make up will rub off
and no one will be around to feed you a line.

You don't know how to live.

I am free now to love again.
Someday I'll find the love
you were never strong enough to have known.

For as much as I ever loved you, I hate you even more.

(from 12/16/11 and 1/16/12)

On the Way to Another List

Someday I'll be ready to let it all out, take it in, let it out.

Pour over the pages of the future with the tears of the past.

See it all for what it was and will never be and let it claim a home on the page and off my heart.

Someday I will move into myself and settle down to a place I can call home again.

My bucket is filling and soon I will have enough water to quench the seeds I have been saving all these years.


To Do List:
Read idiot proof books on gardening
Document everything
Watch carefully
Water often
Keep in the (sun) light.

(6/25/2011)